The presentation is due in four days.
The AIRS (research) unit is a complete schmozzle.
I've done no work on my manuscript for 8 days.
That sums it all up for now.
28 May 2007
19 May 2007
Giving up day
Maybe it's post-handing-in-assignment depression, but I'm having a giving up day. That's one of those days when you realise that your writing is totally crap, you'll never get your manuscript published & if by some absolute miracle you do, then it will languish somewhere in a book warehouse & not see the light of day until it appears slashed to $2 on a discount table somewhere in KMart.
Some days I'm really positive about my writing & feel that success is just around the corner. But today is not one of those days. I don't know why these days come but they feel bloody awful.
The only way I have of overcoming them is to focus on writing for writings sake. That is, instread of worrying about how high on the crap meter my writing is, I just write for myself.
Yes, I'd love to get Girl in the Shadows published. I dream about walking into a bookshop and seeing my book on the shelves (preferably with a 'recommended read' tag attached to it).
But the publishing industry is incredibly tough & I have to accept that, as much as I want that, it cannot be my sole reason for writing. Because it may never happen.
So I just keep writing because I love words & I love the challenge of making those little squiggles on a page turn into living creatures that you can hear talk & laugh & breathe and create places that you can hear, see and smell all inside your head. And no matter how down I feel, I still have the hope that some day they'll come to life in a reader's head, too.
Some days I'm really positive about my writing & feel that success is just around the corner. But today is not one of those days. I don't know why these days come but they feel bloody awful.
The only way I have of overcoming them is to focus on writing for writings sake. That is, instread of worrying about how high on the crap meter my writing is, I just write for myself.
Yes, I'd love to get Girl in the Shadows published. I dream about walking into a bookshop and seeing my book on the shelves (preferably with a 'recommended read' tag attached to it).
But the publishing industry is incredibly tough & I have to accept that, as much as I want that, it cannot be my sole reason for writing. Because it may never happen.
So I just keep writing because I love words & I love the challenge of making those little squiggles on a page turn into living creatures that you can hear talk & laugh & breathe and create places that you can hear, see and smell all inside your head. And no matter how down I feel, I still have the hope that some day they'll come to life in a reader's head, too.
15 May 2007
First assignment done
On the weekend I finished my first assignment (the one on the "interpretive paradigm"). It really wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be. Possibly, this means that I've completely missed the point but Kel read it & she reckons it all flows & makes sense, so that's good enough for me.
It was helpful putting everything down on paper & drawing the threads together of the different types of research I'm doing. I think it really does help with character development & helps me get more fully inside the heads of my characters. Or should I say helps them get inside my head more. Which can be a problem when they get comfortable & decide not to move out.
I know I should be focusing on my presentation now (it's due on 1 June) but it's much more fun to work on my manuscript. But I do want to come up with a good presentation: all I've decided so far is that I'm not using powerpoint (because I hate it).
Seriously, how can my genius be compressed into a few slides with dorky animations????
Maybe I'll start with a DVD clip, then get out the finger puppets & finish with the interpretive dance done behind a big white sheet (that's so I can cast the "shadow"). Sounds like a plan to me :)
It was helpful putting everything down on paper & drawing the threads together of the different types of research I'm doing. I think it really does help with character development & helps me get more fully inside the heads of my characters. Or should I say helps them get inside my head more. Which can be a problem when they get comfortable & decide not to move out.
I know I should be focusing on my presentation now (it's due on 1 June) but it's much more fun to work on my manuscript. But I do want to come up with a good presentation: all I've decided so far is that I'm not using powerpoint (because I hate it).
Seriously, how can my genius be compressed into a few slides with dorky animations????
Maybe I'll start with a DVD clip, then get out the finger puppets & finish with the interpretive dance done behind a big white sheet (that's so I can cast the "shadow"). Sounds like a plan to me :)
9 May 2007
Tash wants more of her side of the story told
It can be just a bit freaky when your characters talk to you. Especially when they're quite insistent. But I suppose that's also one of the most interesting things about being a writer.
You know your character doesn't really exist in flesh and blood, in that you can't drop over to their house & have a coffee with them. I can't ask Tash to walk the dog, for example, or get Malia to go down the shop & buy some milk (it'd be really handy if I could...but then again they're teenagers so they'd probably squirm out of it anyway!).
But there comes a time when they do become much more real to you. This time comes for some writers right at the start of a manuscript: they have characters that just out of the blue start talking to them & that's where the story starts.
I began 'talking' to Malia quite some time ago, probably way back in late 2004. But Tash has only recently started to make herself really known to me. She's an interesting girl, and much more complex than I had originally given her credit for. She has lots of secrets and I think only now she is beginning to trust me with them.
Unfortunately, she can start demanding my attention when I can't really give it (like when I'm in a meeting at work). But I think we're working on that. And I know her perspective is really going to make a huge difference to this manuscript. I just have to learn to really listen and let her voice through.
If I can do that, then I'm confident she'll really blow us all away.
You know your character doesn't really exist in flesh and blood, in that you can't drop over to their house & have a coffee with them. I can't ask Tash to walk the dog, for example, or get Malia to go down the shop & buy some milk (it'd be really handy if I could...but then again they're teenagers so they'd probably squirm out of it anyway!).
But there comes a time when they do become much more real to you. This time comes for some writers right at the start of a manuscript: they have characters that just out of the blue start talking to them & that's where the story starts.
I began 'talking' to Malia quite some time ago, probably way back in late 2004. But Tash has only recently started to make herself really known to me. She's an interesting girl, and much more complex than I had originally given her credit for. She has lots of secrets and I think only now she is beginning to trust me with them.
Unfortunately, she can start demanding my attention when I can't really give it (like when I'm in a meeting at work). But I think we're working on that. And I know her perspective is really going to make a huge difference to this manuscript. I just have to learn to really listen and let her voice through.
If I can do that, then I'm confident she'll really blow us all away.
5 May 2007
The scary & wonderful world of peer critiquing
Last night we had our first peer critiquing session in our group. That's where you bravely submit your writing to the scrutiny of others and take on board their feedback. It's a delicate thing, giving people feedback about their writing. But last night was really useful for me.
I was one of two 'guinea pigs' - the rest of the group won't start submitting work for critting until the next session - & we started off by discussing ground rules, such as setting a time limit for each critique.
I think critiquing is going to be one of the most valuable things about doing this degree. I got a lot out of last night's session & although I had quite a few moths battling around in my belly before we got started, once I got everyone's feedback I was really inspired.
When I got home last night I went through everyone's notes again & made some of the suggested changes to my first chapter. I really, really want to go through the rest of the manuscript right now & look for the things they picked up on last night to see if I can fix them in other places in the manuscript. For example I have a tendency to write 'stage directions' (my first drafts are invariably 50% stage directions) & it can be tricky to weed them all out because after a while I don't see them.
But I will be a diligent student & work on my essay this weekend instead. *sigh*
I was one of two 'guinea pigs' - the rest of the group won't start submitting work for critting until the next session - & we started off by discussing ground rules, such as setting a time limit for each critique.
I think critiquing is going to be one of the most valuable things about doing this degree. I got a lot out of last night's session & although I had quite a few moths battling around in my belly before we got started, once I got everyone's feedback I was really inspired.
When I got home last night I went through everyone's notes again & made some of the suggested changes to my first chapter. I really, really want to go through the rest of the manuscript right now & look for the things they picked up on last night to see if I can fix them in other places in the manuscript. For example I have a tendency to write 'stage directions' (my first drafts are invariably 50% stage directions) & it can be tricky to weed them all out because after a while I don't see them.
But I will be a diligent student & work on my essay this weekend instead. *sigh*
2 May 2007
Adolescence is a form of insanity
Not only is adolescence a form of insanity, it's a highly contagious form that is easily transferred to unsuspecting parents.
Okay, I have no scientific proof of the above. But I have found some fascinating research (thanks heaps, Leah!) that is going to work in perfectly with my exegesis.
Peter Brugger, a German scientist, has done heaps of research into phantoms of all kinds. One of his theories is that seeing 'ghosts' is related to the phenomenon of amputees who 'feel' limbs that aren't there.
In the case of people seeing ghosts, it's a case of people seeing a phantom of a full body. That is, a surge of dopamine to their brain is causing them to see something that isn't there. The dopamine surge can be a result of brain damage, but intense emotions can cause the effect as well.
And guess which group regularly experience dramatic surges of dopamine and intense emotions? Adolescents, of course.
Okay, I have no scientific proof of the above. But I have found some fascinating research (thanks heaps, Leah!) that is going to work in perfectly with my exegesis.
Peter Brugger, a German scientist, has done heaps of research into phantoms of all kinds. One of his theories is that seeing 'ghosts' is related to the phenomenon of amputees who 'feel' limbs that aren't there.
In the case of people seeing ghosts, it's a case of people seeing a phantom of a full body. That is, a surge of dopamine to their brain is causing them to see something that isn't there. The dopamine surge can be a result of brain damage, but intense emotions can cause the effect as well.
And guess which group regularly experience dramatic surges of dopamine and intense emotions? Adolescents, of course.
This weekend I have to get stuck into my first assignment (due 18 May - thank god this is a long weekend!). I'm going to attempt to bring together threads from Jung's shadow theory, recent studies into adolescent brain development and Brugger's theories on phantoms. With a bit of speculation about whether dopamine makes you see things that aren't there, or enables you to see things that others can't.
With luck, I'll be able to pull something thought provoking together. But if not, I won't stress. It's only a masters after all.
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